Relationships: Do Some People Only Feel Valuable When They Are Focusing On Other People’s Needs?

It could be said that having needs is part of being human, and this means that everyone has them. However, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that everyone feels comfortable with their needs.

A Difference Experience

When someone does feel comfortable with their needs, it will give them the chance to fulfil them. This is not to say that this will always take place, but at the same time, they won’t be used to not having them met.

There are going to be times when they will need other people to meet their needs, and times when they will need to meet them themselves. And through paying attention to their needs and getting them met when they can, their life is going to be far more fulfilling than it would be if this didn’t take place.

For Example

When it comes to what these needs are, there will be what they need to survive and what they need to thrive. What they need when it comes to their survival is going to be the first stage and, once this has taken place, they will be able to focus on the rest of their needs.

So through having somewhere to live, food on the table and money to buy what they need, there will be their need to connect others and to fulfil their purpose, among other things. At the same time, it would be inaccurate to say that it will always go in this order, as one might not have somewhere to live but they could still focus on their purpose

One Part

When it comes to a need that one will have to meet, it can come down to what they will need to do fulfil their purpose or during the moments when they feel down, for instance. When it comes to the former, one will need to look into what they need to do and then to take action.

But when it comes to the latter, the part of them that feels down can end up being soothed by another part of them. The first part can be their inner child and the second part can be their adult self.

Emotional Regulation

If one was a child, there would be someone there to calm them down when they don’t feel emotionally stable. But now that one is an adult, there are going to be moments when they are by themselves.

Or even if they were with someone else, it doesn’t mean that the other person would be able to help them with what is taking place within them. So, during these times, it will be down to them to settle themselves down.

Another Part

Yet, even though one will need to take action when it comes to their own purpose, there will come a time when they will need others. This could take place indirectly by reading a book, or directly by needing someone to employ them, for instance.

When it comes to their need to connect to others, this is clearly not going to be something they can fulfil. There will be the validation that these people provide, and they will meet their physical needs.


Ultimately, one is an interdependent human being, and there is only is much they can do by themselves. One would be deluding themselves if they believed that they were inherently independent.

But while someone can be in touch with their needs and do what they can to meet them, there are others who will act as though they don’t have them. Their life is then going to be all about what they can do to fulfil other people’s needs.

Another Scenario

As a result of this, there is a strong chance that their needs are rarely, if ever, met. Nevertheless, if one is completely consumed by what other people need, this is not going to bother them.

If they were to face up to what is taking place and to embrace how they feel, they could end up feeling depressed. But this is unlikely to last for very long, and this is because they will soon go back to what they were doing.

An Analogy

When one behaves in this way, they are naturally going to neglect their own life. This is going to be similar to someone being on a plane and, instead of putting their mask on first during an emergency; they will try to put it on someone else first.

If this was to happen, one would probably pass on before they are able to help another person. But when one ignores their own needs, it probably won’t cause them to lose their life; what it will do is cause them to suffer.

The Benefit

This is not to say that it will be all bad though; if it was, there would be no reason for one to behave in this way. One can find that this allows them to receive approval for others and to feel good about themselves.

Their identity is going to be based around being there for others, and this will cause them to feel valuable. If their behaviour was to change, and they were to be there for themselves and others, they could end up feeling as though they are doing something wrong.

A Human Doing

What this is likely to show is that one believes their value is based on what they do, as opposed to who they are. Their needs are then going to be something to be ashamed of, and it is then to be expected that they will neglect themselves.

This can show that their early years were a time when their needs were rarely met, and one would have had to fulfil their caregiver’s needs instead. The approval they got from these people would have been conditional.


If one can relate to this, and they want to change their circumstances, they may need to work with a therapist. This will give them the opportunity to look into what is taking place within them and to move forward.